You people are smart, right?…

SO I CALL ON YOU TO HELP ME OUT HERE!

I wrote a five page essay on why Boo Radley is the shit. I’mma post it below in teeeeny writing. If any of you have any suggestions to add, what overexaggerated parts to take out, etc, let me hear it. I want this stupid frigging essay to ROOOCK. DX

( Thanks in advance if you actually take ten minutes out of your time to read this, much less evaluate it. )

[size=75:3h3drvdv] For many years in Maycomb County, things went along rather smoothly. People lived their lives out in their sleepy, day-to-day states, going about the same routines by daylight, and telling the same ghost stories by moonlight. The story of ‘Boo’ Arthur Radley is one of them, yet many of the characters in the novel To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee, don’t realize how courageous this man truly is, because all they listen to is the rumours concerning the man shut away in his house, rather than speaking to him face to face. Jem, — Jeremy Atticus Finch — and Scout — Jean Louise Finch — are two people who during their childhood come to know just how brave Boo Radley. Boo leaves his home with a knife in hand to save them from a drunken attacker, despite his fear and trained instinct to always stay indoors, which proves why he is the most courageous of all characters in To Kill a Mockingbird.
Several times throughout the novel, Boo’s shyness to the world is directly characterized, but most of it is left for the reader to assume. Through this assumption, the reader can gather that Boo Radley is a naturally shy person– but is also locked away into his home, which deepens that timidity towards socialization. At eighteen years old, ‘Boo’ Arthur Radley encountered the law in a bad way while having fun drinking one night. He’d come across a group of people who appeared cool, because they acted the way nobody else in Maycomb did. They drank and went to dances and gambled and were ‘the nearest thing to a gang ever seen in Maycomb.’ ( 12 Lee ) While congregating with them in the center of town and making a general display of drunkenness, the beadle tried to arrest them and was locked in the courthouse’s outhouse by the gang. After Boo had been charged with disorderly conduct, disturbing the peace, assault and battery, and using profane language in the presence of a lady, and found guilty of it, his father had been dismayed, and gotten Boo out of trouble by promising the judge that if Arthur was simply released and recieved no punishment he’d never harm anyone again. That was done, and Boo really did never cause anybody any amount of trouble again — and it was how he earned his nickname Boo. Arthur Radley was never seen outdoors the Radley residence again, for his father kept him shut up inside the house for the sake of keeping his son out of trouble. Boo resented it, yet obeyed for he didn’t seem to possess the want to overcome his shyness of society again, after encountering the wrong side of it head on.
Many years passed, and Boo dared cross his father’s will as time tumbled on. He stabbed him in the leg with his scissors while one day cutting up newspaper bits for his scrapbook of the outside world– and in a very casual manner, too. "His father entered the room. As Mr. Radley passed by, Boo drove the scissor’s into his parent’s leg, pulled them out, wiped them on his pants, and resumed his activities." ( 13 Lee ) Many years passed, as well as his father’s death, and the children who soon came to grow up in the neighborhood the Radleys inhabited became interested in Boo, and tried to get closer to him. They snuck onto his porch in the dead of night, they made each other dares to run up and touch the Radley residence, they even enacted a game that recounted most of the major events in Boo’s life, of course adding dramatic details as children do when they’re left to their imaginations. Both amused and fascinated by the children’s innocent interest in him, Boo slowly began to emerge from his solitude within the Radley household. The first instance is when Jem, Scout, and their friend Dill sneak into the back yard of the Radley house to try and sneak a look into the window to catch a glimpse of him. He exits the house, curious, and goes inside to tell his brother Nathan that he’s seen someone outdoors. Not explaining the situation clearly enough, Nathan assumes it’s a Negro person snooping around for some reason or another, and grabs his shotgun and waits. He finds the back yard empty, returns indoors, and seeks out Boo, who goes outdoors curiously and inspects the yard with his eyes that are used to darkness, to find a pair of overalls stuck in the chicken wire by their fence. Unsnaggling the pants, he takes his time to try and repair the hole made in them, to have their owner come back for them. Seeing Jem’s shock at his appearance, Boo shyly finished fixing the tear, folded them neatly over bar of the fence, and returned inside only to have Nathan shoot at him on the way back, mistaking him for the Negro.
Boo continues to watch the world pass by from his front window as the days move on, taking that summer to fall, and also taking more notice of the Finch children for the first time, and becomes attached to them from afar — much like a reader becomes attached and knows a character from within a story. After a deliberation, Boo begins to leave the children presents in a knothole in the tree at the far end of the Radley residence. A few pieces of gum, a chainwatch with a knife attached, his spelling bee medallion from grade school, and a pair of carefully carved sculptures out of a thick soap. After the long sculpting of the soap dolls, Nathan begins to suspect Boo becoming involved with someone out of the household, and after seeing his brother stowing away the dolls into the tree, decides to keep Boo from embarrassing the family by filling the knothole of the tree with cement and ending his attempted communications with the Finch children. Boo’s limited act of bravery by venturing from the house to place these gifts is a small one, but a larger step of courage taken than he had in years.
As fall changed to winter, snow fell in Maycomb County, as well as fire oddly enough. The Atkinson residence caught aflame in the depths of a snowy winter’s night, and the neighborhood came around to watch it, and some try and salvage what was necessary. Boo’s children were among this, standing so close to his house that he worked up the nerve to venture out the front door and stand on the porch while Nathan was busy helping contain the fire. He noticed Scout’s shivering in the cold night, and went inside to retrieve a cowl to cover the girl with. So entranced by the fire, the child did not notice his act of good will as he placed the cowl around her shoulders. Again, Jem took notice of him, but said nothing. The quiet relationship between them strengthened, and to prove that he wasn’t afraid, Boo stayed with the children for awhile before returning indoors himself after the last bit of his courage failed him to stay outdoors.
Satisfied with his venture outdoors and brief spurt of socialness, Boo looses his brazenness and content with life again simply watching the children from afar, does not attempt to contact them again for some time. In fact, in an odd way, it was they who contacted him first. "Cecil Jacobs is a big wet he-en!" ( 349 Lee ) was the cry heard in the darkness that attracted him to his usual viewing post. Boo’s curiousity got the better of him, and he noticed the shiny moving object in the distance that was Scout in her ham costume. Amused by the costume, he watched and finally noticed what the children were yelling about — a stalker behind them. By his stumble, it was obvious that he was drunk, and a flash of moonlight revealed that their follower carried a knife. Instead of immediately running outside to warn the children, Boo fretted indoors, in his safe place from the outside world. Going out right then meant more than just innocent contact with the children, but at the same time, if he didn’t act, the kids were going to be in danger. Confronted by this, Boo was afraid at what might happen to the children, but also what might happen if he went ouside. The children began yelling again, in a much less innocent manner, "Run, Scout! Run! Run!" "Jem, Jem, help me, Jem!" ( 351 Lee ) and Boo decided he knew what he had to do, and that was the right thing: Saving the innocent Finch children from certain death by gathering up all of his courage and running from his solitude to save their lives. Grabbing one of the knives from the kitchen — the most convenient weapon at the time — as he ran out the door, Boo came close again to the children as they were struggling with their drunken attacker, as Jem was about to be stabbed. He threw the man aside and stabbed first, killing him with a single stab thrust deep into his chest. Scout seeming to be okay, he turned to Jem and picked up the unconscious boy sporting a broken arm and returned him to his father, and then lurked at the house in worry, unwilling to go back home. The Finch children’s father, Atticus, was an understanding man, and respected his decision to stay, and tried to make him as comfortable as possible. As more and more people arrived at the Finch household, Boo’s lack of social skills made him feel awkward, yet he felt inexplicably welcome in their home. Alone with Jem and Scout, Scout encouraged him to be social, offering him to pet Jem’s head many times until he shyly accepted, and also accomodating him while out on the front porch of the Finch home.
Boo’s sudden spouts of courage are not all bravado, and by no means are easy for him to make, as which is directly characterized in page 372 of the novel from Scout’s perspective: "I led him to the front porch, where his uneasy steps halted. He was still holding my hand and he gave no sign of letting me go.
"’Will you take me home?’
"He almost whispered it, in the voice of a child afraid of the dark." The way Scout describes his speaking shows how apprehensive Boo is of being outside, especially alone. To the child’s credit, she arranges their bodies so it looks like Boo is walking Scout down the street, ‘escorting [Scout] down the sidewalk, as any gentleman would do.’ ( 373 Lee ) Boo’s fear is what makes him one of the most human characters in the novel, and amplifies his few small but courageous acts, undoubtedly making him the most courageous character of To Kill a Mockingbird.[/size:3h3drvdv]

type… too…small… can’t concentrate.

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Was going to mortchat this, but since you’re taking so long to log on <!– s:P –><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt="" title="Razz" /><!– s:P –>

mortchat @locksharp you really could do with shortening it up a lot, splitting it into multiple sentences for example. Also you missed out the ‘is’ at the end of the sentence. However, I think there’s supposed to be a rule about not finishing sentences with prepositions (according to Jack O’Niell at least), so you might want to rephrase that. Is there really a need to put the characters full names in? If someone is reading it, they either know the character and don’t need to be told, or they don’t know it and don’t really give a shit about their full name. All they need to know is that they’re Atticus’ kids.
mortchat @locksharp There’s quite a few other run on sentences throughout.
mortchat @locksharp I’m not convinced your citation format is entirely right, might be worth researching that. However if it’s what your teacher told you.
mortchat @locksharp do you really need such a large story summary? Perhaps more analysis would be useful
mortchat @locksharp keeping in mind I’m a scientist and any grading I’ve had in the last um 6 years has been science related, the phrase &quot;oddly enough&quot; would be described as ‘too informal’ and ‘too personal’ in an essay.
mortchat @locksharp try finding other words than ‘social’ it seems repeated too often.

I don’t really know what the essay question was exactly, if I was doing the essay I’d state this in my introduction. &quot;I intend to demonstrate X,&quot; &quot;I intend to prove Y.&quot; &quot;The aim of this essay is z&quot;. Try to use those words throughout the essay, &quot;this demonstrates,&quot; &quot;this proves…&quot;

Have a concluding paragraph, not just a sentence that summarises your arguments. In your introduction and conclusion feel free to use the word ‘I’ – elsewhere, avoid it where possible.

And once again, the only things I’ve done in the last 6 years is scientific essays and reports, I haven’t done anything English related in a long long long time indeed.

You love run on sentences <!– s:D –><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_biggrin.gif" alt="" title="Very Happy" /><!– s:D –>

[quote:1eludebz]the novel To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee, don’t realize how courageous this man truly is, [/quote:1eludebz]

Omit the first comma, after Lee.

[quote:1eludebz] is, because all they listen to is the rumours concerning the man shut away in his house, rather than speaking to him face to face[/quote:1eludebz]

This is a pretty long-winded, comma-filled sentence. Try breaking it into two sentences – ‘this man truly is. All they listen to is the rumors’

[quote:1eludebz]are two people who during their childhood come to know just how brave Boo Radley[/quote:1eludebz]

&quot;who during their childhood&quot; should be surrounded by commas.

[quote:1eludebz]After Boo had been charged with disorderly conduct, disturbing the peace, assault and battery, and using profane language in the presence of a lady, and found guilty of it,[/quote:1eludebz]

This bit gets excessively wordy. Maybe &quot;Boo was charged with &lt;blah blah blah&gt;. After he was found guilty, his father got him out of jail&quot; so on and so on.

[quote:1eludebz]really did never cause anybody[/quote:1eludebz]

You can get rid of three or four of these words, it is a bit jumbly.

[quote:1eludebz]outdoors the Radley residence again[/quote:1eludebz]

‘outside’ fits in the sentence better than ‘outdoors’

[quote:1eludebz] Many years passed, as well as his father’s death, and the children [/quote:1eludebz]

‘As well’ implies that the clause is happening in addition to something, but you didn’t list any previous events other than time passing. Just change to &quot;many years passed, Boo’s father died, and the children&quot; etc. etc.

[quote:1eludebz]He finds the back yard empty, returns indoors, and seeks out Boo, who goes outdoors curiously and inspects the yard with his eyes that are used to darkness, to find a pair of overalls stuck in the chicken wire by their fence[/quote:1eludebz]

Another example of a lot of commas, try breaking it into two sentences.

[quote:1eludebz]Radley residence. A few pieces of gum, [/quote:1eludebz]

[quote:1eludebz]e time — as he ran[/quote:1eludebz]

‘as’ isn’t necessary in this instance.

[quote:1eludebz]Scout seeming to be okay, he turned [/quote:1eludebz]

There really isn’t a flow between the independent clause and the sentence, try dropping &quot;Scout seeming to be okay&quot; and reworking it somewhere else in the sentence.

I’m going to stop there as the small font makes my eyes hurt, but skimming the rest of it it looks like it is mostly the same issue. I think the bottom line is you just need to go over your paper with a comb and try to get rid of a bunch of comma’s by rewording and reworking sentences. This many commas really hurts the flow of the paper and makes it choppy to read.

[quote:1eludebz]I don’t really know what the essay question was exactly, if I was doing the essay I’d state this in my introduction. &quot;I intend to demonstrate X,&quot; &quot;I intend to prove Y.&quot; &quot;The aim of this essay is z&quot;. Try to use those words throughout the essay, &quot;this demonstrates,&quot; &quot;this proves…&quot; [/quote:1eludebz]

I don’t know if it is a national or a regional difference, but I was always taught this sort of blatant addressing (I intent, my goal is, etc.) is a bad thing. If your paper is well written, the topic should be obvious and you shouldn’t have to state it. The rules are probably very different for a scientific journal VS a literary analysis paper.

As far as the actual content of the paper, To Kill A Mockingbird is one of my favorite books and I think you did a pretty good job of breaking apart boo.